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Your Weekly Sundial Horoscopes!

Hello, beloved readers of The Sundial. The stars and planets and even a particularly confused quasar have spoken to me and revealed your futures. All twelve of them. Because there are only twelve distinct futures that you, dear reader, can possibly have. That’s just physics. Without further ado, here are your fates: Aquarius- You will accidentally say something racist-sounding really loud in public and be met with cold stares even though you like, totally didn’t mean it that way! Pisces- You will be inspired… Keep Reading

Little Known Ohio State Traditions

The Ohio State University has great traditions that bind us together as a community. Everyone knows about the Mirror Lake Jump before the Michigan Game, Script Ohio, Hang on Sloopy, and more, however, there are many worthy traditions that have been pushed aside by the more popular ones. Here now is an extensive list of the traditions every Buckeye should take part in before graduation. August 21: It’s the first day of classes. Hand your professors a detailed syllabus explaining… Keep Reading

A Summation and Critique of Argo – By Archibald James of Essex – Royal Cinema Taster

My Lord, I have just seen a film of utter Contradiction. It is a film worthy of the Highest Court in many Respects, but tawdry and unfit in so many others. Argo directed and starring Benjamin from the House of Affleck. He is a master of the screen in the same manner that My Lord is in the realm of Politics. Benjamin of Affleck portrays an agent of Espionage tasked with that most unenviable of missions—Extraction. Persian heathens have ransacked… Keep Reading

Getting Some Tail: A New Guide to Flirtation

Humans are very interesting creatures. We are highly resourceful, capable of great feats of the mind, enduring, adaptable, admirable, and then there’s that whole having opposable thumbs thing. Yet, for all our great achievements, we must concede that in one area we are hopelessly, shamefully inept: mating. While remarkable in our use of heightened forms of communication, these very same verbal skills have limited our ability to get what we truly desire (“some”). Thus society has doomed itself to struggle… Keep Reading

Horror Games, Spicy Food, and The Fall of Mankind

As I sit alone in my dorm’s study room every night I am contributing to the destruction of the world. Every girly scream that comes out of my weakling mouth is another step towards a horrible fate for mankind. I believe it was Shakespeare that first said “this bitch needs more context.” It was Saturday night, September 7th 2013, and as an introvert I was excited for some free time. No Jazz band, no English papers, no Physics Homework, no… Keep Reading

Meeting, September 9th

Check out these pictures from our SECOND meeting of the year! Many shenanigans were had by all, and we looked good having them! Keep Reading

Future Minutes (Sundial Meeting #2)

See below minutes to The Sundial meeting, happening later tonight (Monday Sep. 9th) at 9:00 PM in The Student Alumni Council Room of The Ohio Union. Official Minutes 9:00 PM – Editor-In-Chief Collin Gossel calls the meeting to order. He is greeted with thunderous applause; several women swoon from excitement. Collin waves his arms for quiet, but is instead lifted up onto the shoulders of the cheering staff and carried into the courtyard. A crowd continues to form around this… Keep Reading

Novel Titles with One Letter Removed

Rave New World: a stark look at a terrible future where techno has become the norm, as the sun has turned into a laser-shooting black light disco ball. Animal Arm: A post-post-post-postmodern tale of what exactly happens to an animal’s arm after it gets caught in a bear trap and the animal chews it off and hobbles away. As told from the perspective of the arm. Lice in Wonderland: It’s still the same child-acid-trip we love, but this time with… Keep Reading

The Sundial Podcast Ep. 2 – We Talk Tropes No Good

Because Sound-cloud only allows 2 hours of free audio hosting at a time, I’m afraid we’ve had to remove this embedding. BUT DON’T YOU WORRY YOUR LITTLE HEAD!! All of our episodes can be downloaded or streamed for free off of iTunes at the below URL: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sundial-podcast/id699669178 In this episode, Collin, Bri, Dan, and Ryan knock around definitive issues of The Sundial. Collin overuses the word behemoth and paragon. The Sundial gets a new animal mascot, Bri invites Robin Thicke to sit… Keep Reading

NEW RESEARCH: Fake News Comedy Pieces are “Total Babyplay Kiddie Shit”

(Columbus, Ohio)  The Ohio State University, long known to be a nexus of brilliant and original thought, passionate and innovative thinkers, groundbreaking research, and FOOTBALLFOOTBALLFOOTBALL, has once again uncovered evidence of something so shock-boggling that it could very well alter the entire landscape of written comedy as we know it: Evidence has been found that parody news articles are the lowest form of comedy. Spearheading the spear of finding-out for this fact was one strikingly handsome student researcher named Ryan… Keep Reading

Why I Don’t Enjoy “Icebreakers”

Anyone that has ever gone to college can probably remember how they felt after doing their first “icebreaker”. I don’t just remember how I felt; I remember when I felt it and what was going on. Now you get to hear (err, read) about it! After we sat down everyone just kind of looked at each other. Really, it was so damn quiet I could hear myself breathing through my nose. I was kind of hoping that someone would do… Keep Reading

Tales From a Childhood: My Ghost Dog

For my dead dog, who is dead. Ratchet was part of the family and we all loved him, but there’s no denying he was the dumbest dog around. It eventually got him killed. He died running into the street to catch a squirrel, but when the squirrel went up a tree on the other side, he just stopped, stood there, and got hit by a truck…a full minute later. The truck was making a bunch of noise, but he was… Keep Reading

Adrien Brody’s Eyebrows Escape from His Face

As Br-tn-y Th-mps-n (vowels left out to preserve anonymity) was jogging home from her pottery class last W-dn-sd-y (again, anonymity), she suddenly felt a movement in her purse. “I stopped, and then they jumped out with my wallet and makeup. Two large, undulating, and inexplicably suave black caterpillars. They made off with all of it. I was stunned!” The victim said to police during questioning. This is not an isolated incident. Several reports have recently come in about a pair of eyebrows, for that is… Keep Reading

Meeting, August 26th

    Check out these pictures from our first meeting of the year! The Sundial can’t be certain, but we’re pretty sure this is the funniest collective of people ever assembled under one roof. Keep Reading

10 Reasons to Come to The Sundial’s First Meeting

Hi everyone! Our first meeting of the year is tonight (Monday the 26th) at 9:00 PM in the Student Alumni Council Room on the second floor of the Ohio Union! In honor of the occasion, here is a list of 10 reasons why YOU should be there! THERE WILL BE FREE PIZZA. Feel free to stop now without shame if that does it for you. Seriously, the free pizza part is true, no matter what comes after that. Some members… Keep Reading