America's Funniest College Humor Magazine Since 1911

How To Stress Yourself Out

Looking to add some distress to your frantic, chaotic life? In today’s modern world, it can often seem impossible to pile more stress on top of the mountain of things you already have to worry about. Here are some ways to get that overwhelmed feeling back in your life, perfect for days when you might just think you’re setting yourself up for productivity and satisfaction. Know your limits and show no respect for them: Write down everything you ‘need’ to… Keep Reading

Sundial Archives: “Women are Actually People Too!”

Hello, dear readers! In this issue, we take a nostalgic look at one of the first articles ever written for The Sundial, “Women are Actually People Too!” Dictated in 1911 by wealthy equestrian, Oxford transfer student, and first-time comedy writer George Vossenwinkel, it gives a rare look at a unique period in America’s history! I must confess I am a bit nervous, readers, as I’ve never tried my hand at this “comedy” before, but I do find the idea quite… Keep Reading

Seasonal Activities Re-appropriated for Autumn

For those who hate fall, but still want to fit in. Columbus Day caroling. It should be noted that there are currently no popular songs about Columbus Novemberpole festival—the spiritual cousin to the Maypole festival. This event differs by involving only one ribbon and a bunch of poles. Making butternut squash angels—like making snow angels, but messy, unsatisfying, inefficient, expensive and somehow more pointless. Celebrating Independence Day in October—fireworks, barbeques… all taking place after the equinox. There’s no wrong time… Keep Reading

5 Things Included on This List

1.) Prophecy Prophecy is a thing that is definitely on this list. It’s when a person makes a divine prediction from the heavenly father. 2.) Ouroboros A snake biting its own tail, used for symbolic purposes: a sort of circular reference. 3.) Romantic Irony When a story makes reference to the fact that it’s fiction. I’m going to utilize that technique following this colon: You’re really going to enjoy the last two entries. I’m this piece’s creator so I know.… Keep Reading

Your Weekly Sundial Horoscopes 2!

Hello, beloved readers of The Sundial. I called up God the other day, (Yeah, I have his number), and I got his secretary, Becky. “You have those horoscopes for me today?” I asked. “Right here, Mr. Fogle! Oh, and God says hi!” She responded. “G-man!!” I said, “Tell him I say holla!” Becky’s a great girl. Anyway, she gave me the following horoscopes. Without further ado, here are your fates: Aquarius- Ohhhh, Gemini is in the third house of Jupiter… Keep Reading

Shameless Self-Promotion Night: The Live Webcast

Have you ever wondered what a meeting of Sundial people looks like but were too embarrassed about that thing that’s going on with your face to show up to a meeting? Well now you can watch funny people interact from the comfort and privacy of your dark, empty dorm room. http://twitcam.livestream.com/fg8qo Keep Reading

Entire Fraternity Revealed to Be Sheep in Human-Costumes

(Columbus, OH) In an unexpected turn of events, nearly every member of the fraternity Alpha Alpha Delta was recently revealed to be a fully-grown sheep wearing an elaborate disguise. The truth came out at a social function when one brother’s gloves fell off, exposing the distinctive cloved hooves of escaped livestock wrapped around a red solo cup. One of his brothers standing nearby was heard to say: “Dude, are you a sheep too?” before taking off his coiffed wig and… Keep Reading

Americans Confused by Lack of Syrian Invasion

Expressing impatience and confusion, Americans are starting to wonder when President Obama is going to finally just send some troops to indefinitely occupy Syria. “I just thought that was our thing,” Hartford, Connecticut resident Susan Hayworth said. “It’s like, if we’re not going to invade Syria, then what are we going to invade?” Many people are starting to wonder why they have not seen any recent news footage of U.S. personnel carriers scanning Syrian roads for IEDs or heartfelt high… Keep Reading

Movie Titles with One Letter Removed

• Jango Unchained – the D is the One Letter Removed. • The Silence of the Labs – In a dystopian America that has rejected science, one brave chemist vows to recreate the experiments of the past. • Requiem for a Ream – Chad Brunswick uses his roommate’s last piece of paper to print a passive-aggressive note about buying new paper, only to find that it was the last piece of paper on Earth. • WALL∙ — from director Darren Aronofsky, two lovers… Keep Reading

French Bonbons

I was once a human food slave. I labored for hours bringing steaming substance to lazy people from a kitchen no more than 30 feet away. I painted a smile across my face and reapplied it in the bathroom should it start to melt from sweat. I laughed at bad jokes, tossed napkins and straws like bullets and grenades, I balanced like squirrel on a wire and danced like a monkey for the crowd. The strangers rewarded me with little… Keep Reading

The Sundial Podcast Ep. 3 – Censorship & Naughty Bits

Because Sound-cloud only allows 2 hours of free audio hosting at a time, I’m afraid we’ve had to remove this embedding. BUT DON’T YOU WORRY YOUR LITTLE HEAD!! All of our episodes can be downloaded or streamed for free off of iTunes at the below URL: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sundial-podcast/id699669178 In this episode, Collin, Bri, Dan, and Ryan knock around definitive issues of The Sundial. Collin overuses the word behemoth and paragon. The Sundial gets a new animal mascot, Bri invites Robin Thicke to sit… Keep Reading

A Tribute to John Candy

I cried when I found out John Candy died. I remember the day well. It was yesterday. I looked at the IMDB page for Home Alone, which led me to John Candy’s IMDB page, which led me to notice that John Candy was deceased, which led me to depression. I cried. I cried yesterday, and I cried myself to sleep, and I cried again today. In the middle of comparative studies, I cried. No, I didn’t cry, I bawled. My… Keep Reading

NSFW – An Excerpt from Cosmo

Samantha Pearson and James Houston couldn’t be less alike. Samantha is a quiet, bookish journalist, and James is a cocky police officer that she must interview for the story of a lifetime. James and his antics irritate Samantha on the surface, but at the same time, they excite her in a way that suggests deep-seated psychological issues. Who knows what could happen? Only time will tell. When Samantha’s boss asks her to cover a series of robberies in downtown Seattle,… Keep Reading

Reaction to South Oval from a North Campus Student

Once, the legend would start, there was this beautiful space on South Campus. It was even farther south than the Oval, but it was much more wondrous, a deep green valley of Frisbee throwers and between-class sun-tanners. It seemed the home of elves, not the cookie box kind but the tall, elegant Tolkien elves. The music appeared to strum from the tree branches themselves, reverberating in the roots underneath your feet in an effort to encircle you in the hum.… Keep Reading

Writing Session 9-14-13

We got together to do some writing! I know what you’re thinking: “I really want to see pictures of that!” Well, here you go, you lucky devil!   Keep Reading