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Your Weekly Sundial Horoscopes 2!

Hello, beloved readers of The Sundial. I called up God the other day, (Yeah, I have his number), and I got his secretary, Becky. “You have those horoscopes for me today?” I asked. “Right here, Mr. Fogle! Oh, and God says hi!” She responded. “G-man!!” I said, “Tell him I say holla!” Becky’s a great girl. Anyway, she gave me the following horoscopes. Without further ado, here are your fates: Aquarius- Ohhhh, Gemini is in the third house of Jupiter… Keep Reading

Shameless Self-Promotion Night: The Live Webcast

Have you ever wondered what a meeting of Sundial people looks like but were too embarrassed about that thing that’s going on with your face to show up to a meeting? Well now you can watch funny people interact from the comfort and privacy of your dark, empty dorm room. Keep Reading

Entire Fraternity Revealed to Be Sheep in Human-Costumes

(Columbus, OH) In an unexpected turn of events, nearly every member of the fraternity Alpha Alpha Delta was recently revealed to be a fully-grown sheep wearing an elaborate disguise. The truth came out at a social function when one brother’s gloves fell off, exposing the distinctive cloved hooves of escaped livestock wrapped around a red solo cup. One of his brothers standing nearby was heard to say: “Dude, are you a sheep too?” before taking off his coiffed wig and… Keep Reading

Americans Confused by Lack of Syrian Invasion

Expressing impatience and confusion, Americans are starting to wonder when President Obama is going to finally just send some troops to indefinitely occupy Syria. “I just thought that was our thing,” Hartford, Connecticut resident Susan Hayworth said. “It’s like, if we’re not going to invade Syria, then what are we going to invade?” Many people are starting to wonder why they have not seen any recent news footage of U.S. personnel carriers scanning Syrian roads for IEDs or heartfelt high… Keep Reading

Movie Titles with One Letter Removed

• Jango Unchained – the D is the One Letter Removed. • The Silence of the Labs – In a dystopian America that has rejected science, one brave chemist vows to recreate the experiments of the past. • Requiem for a Ream – Chad Brunswick uses his roommate’s last piece of paper to print a passive-aggressive note about buying new paper, only to find that it was the last piece of paper on Earth. • WALL∙ — from director Darren Aronofsky, two lovers… Keep Reading

French Bonbons

I was once a human food slave. I labored for hours bringing steaming substance to lazy people from a kitchen no more than 30 feet away. I painted a smile across my face and reapplied it in the bathroom should it start to melt from sweat. I laughed at bad jokes, tossed napkins and straws like bullets and grenades, I balanced like squirrel on a wire and danced like a monkey for the crowd. The strangers rewarded me with little… Keep Reading

The Sundial Podcast Ep. 3 – Censorship & Naughty Bits

Because Sound-cloud only allows 2 hours of free audio hosting at a time, I’m afraid we’ve had to remove this embedding. BUT DON’T YOU WORRY YOUR LITTLE HEAD!! All of our episodes can be downloaded or streamed for free off of iTunes at the below URL: In this episode, Collin, Bri, Dan, and Ryan knock around definitive issues of The Sundial. Collin overuses the word behemoth and paragon. The Sundial gets a new animal mascot, Bri invites Robin Thicke to sit… Keep Reading

A Tribute to John Candy

I cried when I found out John Candy died. I remember the day well. It was yesterday. I looked at the IMDB page for Home Alone, which led me to John Candy’s IMDB page, which led me to notice that John Candy was deceased, which led me to depression. I cried. I cried yesterday, and I cried myself to sleep, and I cried again today. In the middle of comparative studies, I cried. No, I didn’t cry, I bawled. My… Keep Reading

NSFW – An Excerpt from Cosmo

Samantha Pearson and James Houston couldn’t be less alike. Samantha is a quiet, bookish journalist, and James is a cocky police officer that she must interview for the story of a lifetime. James and his antics irritate Samantha on the surface, but at the same time, they excite her in a way that suggests deep-seated psychological issues. Who knows what could happen? Only time will tell. When Samantha’s boss asks her to cover a series of robberies in downtown Seattle,… Keep Reading

Reaction to South Oval from a North Campus Student

Once, the legend would start, there was this beautiful space on South Campus. It was even farther south than the Oval, but it was much more wondrous, a deep green valley of Frisbee throwers and between-class sun-tanners. It seemed the home of elves, not the cookie box kind but the tall, elegant Tolkien elves. The music appeared to strum from the tree branches themselves, reverberating in the roots underneath your feet in an effort to encircle you in the hum.… Keep Reading

Writing Session 9-14-13

We got together to do some writing! I know what you’re thinking: “I really want to see pictures of that!” Well, here you go, you lucky devil!   Keep Reading

Your Weekly Sundial Horoscopes!

Hello, beloved readers of The Sundial. The stars and planets and even a particularly confused quasar have spoken to me and revealed your futures. All twelve of them. Because there are only twelve distinct futures that you, dear reader, can possibly have. That’s just physics. Without further ado, here are your fates: Aquarius- You will accidentally say something racist-sounding really loud in public and be met with cold stares even though you like, totally didn’t mean it that way! Pisces- You will be inspired… Keep Reading

Little Known Ohio State Traditions

The Ohio State University has great traditions that bind us together as a community. Everyone knows about the Mirror Lake Jump before the Michigan Game, Script Ohio, Hang on Sloopy, and more, however, there are many worthy traditions that have been pushed aside by the more popular ones. Here now is an extensive list of the traditions every Buckeye should take part in before graduation. August 21: It’s the first day of classes. Hand your professors a detailed syllabus explaining… Keep Reading

A Summation and Critique of Argo – By Archibald James of Essex – Royal Cinema Taster

My Lord, I have just seen a film of utter Contradiction. It is a film worthy of the Highest Court in many Respects, but tawdry and unfit in so many others. Argo directed and starring Benjamin from the House of Affleck. He is a master of the screen in the same manner that My Lord is in the realm of Politics. Benjamin of Affleck portrays an agent of Espionage tasked with that most unenviable of missions—Extraction. Persian heathens have ransacked… Keep Reading

Getting Some Tail: A New Guide to Flirtation

Humans are very interesting creatures. We are highly resourceful, capable of great feats of the mind, enduring, adaptable, admirable, and then there’s that whole having opposable thumbs thing. Yet, for all our great achievements, we must concede that in one area we are hopelessly, shamefully inept: mating. While remarkable in our use of heightened forms of communication, these very same verbal skills have limited our ability to get what we truly desire (“some”). Thus society has doomed itself to struggle… Keep Reading