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Florida

Florida Hot, Why the fuck is it so hot? Why did I come here? this place sucks I mean the people here voted for Trump so… On top of that Bugs are everywhere why, why? Shit! That alligator is like 30 feet away I heard they crawl like super-fast Why couldn’t I be at Disney-world? That place is awesome Hard to believe that it’s located in Florida Florida Fucking Florida It’s not even beautiful Why can’t I go to a… Keep Reading

Format of Marvel Movies Changed to Become One, Extended Fight Scene

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA—Acknowledging the overwhelming popularity of films like Deadpool and Logan, 21st Century Fox CEO James Murdoch has announced, to the delight of frat bros and people too stupid to enjoy films like Moonlight or Manchester by the Sea, that, “all further films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe will comprise nothing more than 90-140 minutes of blood, guts, swearing, decapitation, amputation, sex, drugs, guns, and knives.”  “After the release of Deadpool, we realized that people had become apathetic and… Keep Reading

Ode to a Fake Account

Dear man on my Tinder and Plenty Of Fish, I know for a fact you are a catfish.   The same boring bio and perfect ab pic, I’m one DM away from seeing your dick.   You stay mostly silent, til you’re looking to fuck, Then I get that one text, “hey r u up?”   You are not creative or fooling me slightly, But damn your avi is pretty dang sightly.   Still, I cannot trust you, PoonLover6969, So… Keep Reading

Review of The Luck of the Irish

    This is the quintessential St. Patrick’s Day movie. Ian Thomas from Pretty Little Liars plays basketball. He’s like in 8th grade and has some coin. Somebody takes the coin and he becomes a leprechaun. This is because his mom is Irish and his dad is from Cleveland. He talks in his head too. But anyways, Kyle can’t play basketball because he is short but his grandpa helps him. Also, his grandpa is some immortal leprechaun. He and Kyle must… Keep Reading

Top 10 Things to Do for Spring Break in a Small Town Outside of Cincinnati

Uhm… We’ve got a Skyline. You could go there for dinner or for lunch. I’d recommend you go there for breakfast too, but they don’t serve Skyline that early in the morning. It’s a downright shame. I’m pretty sure I would go to Skyline for all three meals if it was possible. I don’t know what else you want me to say. It’s a restaurant. You know how restaurants work. There’s also a small branch of the Cincinnati Library. It’s… Keep Reading

Translating Lyrics – Radioactive

Radioactive – Imagine Dragons: Lyric Translation:   Lyric: I’m waking up to ash and dust,   Translation: The singer needs a new maid   Lyric: I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust   Translation: The singer should probably see a doctor, as he is exhibiting some symptoms of a strange illness   Lyric: I’m breathing in, the chemicals.   Translation: The singer needs an air purifier.   Lyric: I’m breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the… Keep Reading

The Sundial Podcast 2.0: Episode 11 – Sibling Edition

Click HERE to listen on iTunes!! In this episode, hosts Lauren and James sit down with their own flesh and blood: their siblings! Lauren’s brother Tyler and James’s sister Hannah join the podcast to talk about a hypothetical new Super Bowl competition, high school theater, some comedy, and enter the Nick Cage. Hosts: Lauren Moliterno, Senior Staff Member James Wagner, Senior Staff Member Guests: Hannah Wagner, Staff Member Tyler Moliterno Image by: Theme music by: Phillip Sanderell, Staff Member Edited… Keep Reading

What a Gaffe! USG Presidential Candidate Shrieks in Tongues, Bursts into Flames

In a move that’ll surely go down with the Dean Scream and “Binders Full of Women” in campaign infamy, Write-in candidate Stavroula may have just had the blunder of the USG election season!  By now you’ve probably heard of it, but at a campaign event on the Oval earlier today, Stav was caught on tape abruptly combusting into flames and loudly chanting in a long-forgotten, yet oddly demonic language.  Bystanders lucky enough to not be set fire told reporters that… Keep Reading

I’m Not an Addict, I’m a Scientist

To the kind souls at the Jolly Rodger Rehab Clinic, It has come to my attention that some of my friends and family are concerned about my recent behavior and have reached out to you regarding these matters. Therefore, I feel the need to clarify a few things. I am not an addict. I do not have an addictive personality. However, I am a scientist, and science can be messy sometimes. To a non-scientist it may appear that I am… Keep Reading

Review of The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D

    We’ve all seen the movie. This nerd keeps Jacob from Twilight in his shower and that girl from the 2008 Christmas special of House in his room. But they leave and the nerd goes to school with George Lopez. Then Max, our nerd-hero, gets hit with a tornado and wakes up in Dreamland. He lives across the street from his school too. Anyways, Sharkboy sings this weird song in a land made of frosting. Lavagirl talks about how she… Keep Reading

An Apology to the Other People in my Paid Drug Trial

Hi everyone, First, I’d just like to say I’m sorry. I really am. I should have known when I signed up to be a subject in this drug trial that I’d react badly. I’ve done this kind of thing before and it’s why I’m no longer allowed in any CVS Minute Clinics and was labeled a “hostile audience member” on The Dr. Oz Show. I should have written about my over-reactive tendencies on my application, but I assumed I had grown… Keep Reading

NBC Renews Trump White House For Second Season

NEW YORK – Rejoicing in the television ratings boost brought by President Donald Trump’s campaign and election, NBC has renewed Trump for a second season as president. “Since Trump announced his candidacy and called Mexicans rapists we refused to let him near our entertainment programming, but audiences can’t stop watching,” said Bob Greenblatt, chairman of NBC, while riding the escalator in Trump Tower to a meeting with Trump’s executive producers. “NBC’s decision to renew the president should come as no… Keep Reading

Vice President of USG Candidate Stavroula Pabst Revealed to be a Dog Person

    In a Sundial Exclusive scoop, intrepid reporter Allan Labanowski has uncovered a scandal that could sink the Pabst campaign before it starts.  Throughout her campaign both this year and the year prior, Pabst has been very pro-cat, having offered a pledge of free kittens for everyone in her previous run for USG president, a promise that once again features prominently.  Her vice presidential candidate this year, the mysterious Elijah [last name redacted due to a preference not to be… Keep Reading

Punxsutawney Phil is a Liar

Punxsutawney Phil is a liar! That lil’ rat saw his shadow and hid like a coward, dooming us to six more weeks of winter. Well where’s that winter now, Phony Phil? Huh? Where’s your wind and snow and hibernation now? It’s 65 degrees and sunny outside. I’m wearing a T-shirt and shorts in February and don’t you try to blame it on global warming, you Punxsutawney Punk. For years, I’ve relied on you for all of my super vague weather… Keep Reading

Ready4Stav Campaign FAQ

Stavroula Pabst, a fourth-year History and Modern Greek major, is running for USG president. She promises change, humor, and free kittens (and absolutely nothing else) to the students of the Ohio State University.  The sundial exclusively interviewed her this week! For more info, check out Stav’s campaign twitter account at @stav4usg.   SUNNY: Thanks for talking with us today. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? STAV: Yes. My name is Stav, and I’m a Fourth year. I’m… Keep Reading

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