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Local Dad Polishes Off New Balances For A Night Out

Local cool dad, Dave Smith, uses swag juice to polish New Balances for a “night out” with the office. “Holy foot, Sharon put way too much mayonnaise on my sandwich this morning,” said Dave Smith. Dave Smith was looking to get away from the wife and kids to have conversations about business and taxes with Doug from Marketing. Doug from Marketing says, “at least your New Balances are looking fresh.” And they fucked the whole night through. = Mara Sydnor, Maddie… Keep Reading

Thoughts from the Guy who Wears a Beret in your European History class

Bernie should have won It’s really annoying how Marx dominates discussion of socialism, like what about (insert totally butchered name of a Russian left-anarchist that lived in the late 1800s) There it is again. See, why do people on Twitter always make fun of white guys in trench coats. They look is classy Business idea: An army jacket that’s as long as a trench coat. A perfect wedding of the suave coat with the rugged army jacket that is functionally… Keep Reading

Local Mom is THIS Close

DAYTON – Kristen Henry-Jacobson, 38-year-old mother of two almost snapped Saturday afternoon. After listening to her two children scream about who gets the copy of The Emoji Movie to watch on the trip to Grandma’s house, Kristen had to pull the car over. Her two children, Braxxtin and Mikaley, were witnesses to the events following. “She held up her hand and made that little sign with her fingers about half an inch apart to let us know exactly how close… Keep Reading

Translating Lyrics: Out of the Woods

Lyrics: Looking at it now It all seems so simple We were lying on your couch I remember Translation: Taylor remembers a certain time when she and another person (supposedly a significant other, but it could be any number of people, such as a family member, or Al Gore) were lying on a couch. It was simple because they were just lying on a couch. Lyric: You took a Polaroid of us Translation: Al Gore took a polaroid, which is… Keep Reading


Oh ya, I know what you want this year, a spicy, titillating 350 page brick of knowledge or thicc thesaurus dropped into your mailbox by your preferred deliverer of smut. We here at The Sundial know your deepest desires to stay up late at night when your roommate is out with your nose just BURIED in some professor’s tenure trap. So here we go, the most saucy, confoundingly brilliant, “a little droll,” nerd nuggets out there. 1. Budget Theory in… Keep Reading

Jen from Marketing Explains Labor Day

Dear Allan, Hi, it’s Jen. You know, from the marketing department. It has come to my attention over the past week that you are woefully uninformed as to the true meaning of Labor Day. As a person with common sense, I thought I would offer you some food for thought. Please prepare yourself for the only real education that will ever matter. First thing’s first, Labor Day is not a military holiday. I know that you and Ted absolutely insist… Keep Reading

Review of Max Keeble’s Big Move

This movie is about moving. The main character is the kid from Home Alone 3, who is Max Keeble, I think. He is friends with Josh Peck, from that Hollywood documentary, and that redhead from House. So Max is in 7th grade, even though he looks like he’s six. His parents decide to move because his dad got promoted. And like, Max is bullied a lot. There is this one scene where Josh is in a trophy case then he… Keep Reading

The Tale of The Local Dad Who Took His Softball League Too Seriously

Father of three, Dave Smith, sat in a Winking Lizard Tavern™ with four of his co-workers last week. After a hearty serving of hot wings and some local beers that Dave described as “crisp…but not too crisp…” Dave launched into a story of his softball game two days earlier. “It was crazy guys,” Dave exclaimed as his friends rolled their eyes and ordered some more alcohols. “It was so intense this week. I think I pulled a hamquad,” Dave explained,… Keep Reading

7 Songs I Wish Were in Baby Driver

If you’ve seen Edgar Wright’s smash-hit Baby Driver, then you’ve probably also been listening to the great soundtrack, most likely from your old school iPod and your Apple headphones. However, there are definitely 7 tracks that could have given the movie, and it’s subsequent playlist, that extra oomph. 1. Boy Problems by Carly Rae Jepsen This jazzy-pop bop would be that perfect addition to the movie! 2. Boy Problems by Carly Rae Jepsen “If you’re gonna go then go” is… Keep Reading

Rejected OUAB Events

This year, OUAB brought a lot of notable people to Ohio State and hosted incredible events for OSU students, but not all of their ideas came to fruition. In fact, most of OUAB’s event ideas are scrapped simply based on their corresponding hashtag. Here are some of the event ideas OUAB scrapped in 2016-2017. #OUABasic. Put down that Pumpkin Spice Latte and pick up a rifle. President Trump has declared war, and OUAB is hosting basic training for all you… Keep Reading

Sunny’s Tips to Make Your Summer 🔥🔥🔥

Tired of the same boring dates this summer? Day drinking by the pool and going out and drinking can only be so exciting. These tips should add an extra element of surprise to your summer lovin’. 1. Don’t wait 45 minutes before eating in the pool. Ignore this old wives’ tale and live life on the edge. Make sure you have that big, fat, foot long Subway Italian BMTTM before you hop into that public pool to cool off. The… Keep Reading

Surviving Summer with No AC

So check it out. Global warming- it sucks. I’m aware. I’m currently spending my summer stuck in hell (Long Island with no AC.) I’m trying to stay positive and I figured I’d use my experience and give out a few tips for those stuck in a similar situation. Ice in front of a fan- This is a CLASSIC trick. Just get a nice box fan and set it up in your best window. Fill a bucket with some ice and… Keep Reading

Share-A-Coke Back With More Options!

With Summer in its prime, Coca-Cola is excited to unveil even MORE fun-filled options to choose from with their Share-A-Coke Campaign. With an array of new additions, you’re bound to find a cool, refreshing Coke that fits your upbeat Summer lifestyle! #ShareACokeWith… The Waitress that says, “Is Pepsi okay?” – No. It will NEVER be okay and she clearly knows that. Your Ex-boyfriend –  But throw the bottle at his stupid head. You were too good for him, Jenny! That… Keep Reading

Joey Chestnut Pukes and Rallies for Next Eating Contest

After finishing his 72nd hot dog in 10 minutes, Joey “Jaws” Chestnut has been named the Champion of the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Daniel Cadence, a witness to the spectacle said he was, “confused and slightly offended.” He remarked that Chestnut’s ability was “disturbing. Oh God, someone please just make it stop. No man should be forced to witness the carnage and insanity that ensued. I thought this was supposed to be family friendly.” Cadence then grabbed two… Keep Reading

“Rap”sody on a Summer Job

Pt 1: The Note In case you find this terrible note Know that I was the one who scribbled and wrote This poem about the hellish endeavor That bones did break and my brain, absent from clever At United Dairy Farmers off of 275 Is where I did anything but thrive. Scooping ice cream for the cigarette-stained obese Pooping for a half hour, day dreaming for rain to clean this place, Of the rude, arrogant, mistakes of creation Who come… Keep Reading