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Sundial Originals

Prose, poetry, lists, and other miscellaneous pieces written by The Sundial Staff for the express purpose of making you laugh. We know you all need it. Especially you, Denise.

Supernatural Fan Fiction

Disclaimer: I have never seen an episode of Supernatural. Nevertheless, here is my Supernatural fanfiction. Enjoy! The One Where They Fight Spooky Monsters Sam, Dean, and Misha Collins were driving down Transylvania Avenue when they noticed a spooky glow in the distance. “What is that spooky glow?” Said the always astute Sam. “I don’t know.” Said Misha Collins, who was useless to the team and never provided any information of value. “Probably a monster that will be fun to fight.”… Keep Reading

Top 5 Spook-tacular Halloween Party Themes

Halloween is the perfect time for all things terrifying, and a Halloween Party is the perfect place to display your sense of scary. Whether you’re 9 or 99, here’s a list of spooky party themes that are sure to be the talk of the town. 1. Pumpkin Patch Ages: 0-10+ Number of People: 20-30 Possible Locations: Outside in the crisp fall air Description: A cute patch for the little pumpkin in your life. Complete with a hayride and pumpkin painting… Keep Reading

My Dreams Are Back

October 18th Dear Diary, It happened again. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. I’m once again haunted by my own thoughts. My dreams loom over me much like the fog in those weird ass Riverdale promos where they were standing in the water. Like seriously, they were just standing there looking spooky and there’s that one where Cheryl is laying on her side? Anyways, back to my skeletons. My dream begins with me… Keep Reading

Cute Things To Say On A First Date

Does this Arby’s validate parking? What do you think the mass of an average acorn squash is? In grams and lbs? Do you think cockroaches know that people hate them? Take a position and then write an 8-10 sentence paragraph citing examples from the text. Sorry if I seem tense, it’s just been so long since I’ve inhabited a body. Oh, golly gee I can’t even remember the last time I went out on a date with someone that wasn’t… Keep Reading

Open Letter to Ira Glass

Preface: This summer I traveled to San Francisco on the California Zephyr in order to come of age. I recorded a podcast about my experience for This American Life. So far This American Life has yet to reimburse me for my expenses, which I find insulting and ridiculous. In retaliation, I’ve decided to post this open letter on every site that will publish it until I’m compensated for my work. Thank you.  Dear Ira Glass, I’m going to cut straight to… Keep Reading

Local Dad Polishes Off New Balances For A Night Out

Local cool dad, Dave Smith, uses swag juice to polish New Balances for a “night out” with the office. “Holy foot, Sharon put way too much mayonnaise on my sandwich this morning,” said Dave Smith. Dave Smith was looking to get away from the wife and kids to have conversations about business and taxes with Doug from Marketing. Doug from Marketing says, “at least your New Balances are looking fresh.” And they fucked the whole night through. = Mara Sydnor, Maddie… Keep Reading

Thoughts from the Guy who Wears a Beret in your European History class

Bernie should have won It’s really annoying how Marx dominates discussion of socialism, like what about (insert totally butchered name of a Russian left-anarchist that lived in the late 1800s) There it is again. See, why do people on Twitter always make fun of white guys in trench coats. They look is classy Business idea: An army jacket that’s as long as a trench coat. A perfect wedding of the suave coat with the rugged army jacket that is functionally… Keep Reading

Local Mom is THIS Close

DAYTON – Kristen Henry-Jacobson, 38-year-old mother of two almost snapped Saturday afternoon. After listening to her two children scream about who gets the copy of The Emoji Movie to watch on the trip to Grandma’s house, Kristen had to pull the car over. Her two children, Braxxtin and Mikaley, were witnesses to the events following. “She held up her hand and made that little sign with her fingers about half an inch apart to let us know exactly how close… Keep Reading

Translating Lyrics: Out of the Woods

Lyrics: Looking at it now It all seems so simple We were lying on your couch I remember Translation: Taylor remembers a certain time when she and another person (supposedly a significant other, but it could be any number of people, such as a family member, or Al Gore) were lying on a couch. It was simple because they were just lying on a couch. Lyric: You took a Polaroid of us Translation: Al Gore took a polaroid, which is… Keep Reading


Oh ya, I know what you want this year, a spicy, titillating 350 page brick of knowledge or thicc thesaurus dropped into your mailbox by your preferred deliverer of smut. We here at The Sundial know your deepest desires to stay up late at night when your roommate is out with your nose just BURIED in some professor’s tenure trap. So here we go, the most saucy, confoundingly brilliant, “a little droll,” nerd nuggets out there. 1. Budget Theory in… Keep Reading

Jen from Marketing Explains Labor Day

Dear Allan, Hi, it’s Jen. You know, from the marketing department. It has come to my attention over the past week that you are woefully uninformed as to the true meaning of Labor Day. As a person with common sense, I thought I would offer you some food for thought. Please prepare yourself for the only real education that will ever matter. First thing’s first, Labor Day is not a military holiday. I know that you and Ted absolutely insist… Keep Reading

Review of Max Keeble’s Big Move

This movie is about moving. The main character is the kid from Home Alone 3, who is Max Keeble, I think. He is friends with Josh Peck, from that Hollywood documentary, and that redhead from House. So Max is in 7th grade, even though he looks like he’s six. His parents decide to move because his dad got promoted. And like, Max is bullied a lot. There is this one scene where Josh is in a trophy case then he… Keep Reading

The Tale of The Local Dad Who Took His Softball League Too Seriously

Father of three, Dave Smith, sat in a Winking Lizard Tavern™ with four of his co-workers last week. After a hearty serving of hot wings and some local beers that Dave described as “crisp…but not too crisp…” Dave launched into a story of his softball game two days earlier. “It was crazy guys,” Dave exclaimed as his friends rolled their eyes and ordered some more alcohols. “It was so intense this week. I think I pulled a hamquad,” Dave explained,… Keep Reading

7 Songs I Wish Were in Baby Driver

If you’ve seen Edgar Wright’s smash-hit Baby Driver, then you’ve probably also been listening to the great soundtrack, most likely from your old school iPod and your Apple headphones. However, there are definitely 7 tracks that could have given the movie, and it’s subsequent playlist, that extra oomph. 1. Boy Problems by Carly Rae Jepsen This jazzy-pop bop would be that perfect addition to the movie! 2. Boy Problems by Carly Rae Jepsen “If you’re gonna go then go” is… Keep Reading

Rejected OUAB Events

This year, OUAB brought a lot of notable people to Ohio State and hosted incredible events for OSU students, but not all of their ideas came to fruition. In fact, most of OUAB’s event ideas are scrapped simply based on their corresponding hashtag. Here are some of the event ideas OUAB scrapped in 2016-2017. #OUABasic. Put down that Pumpkin Spice Latte and pick up a rifle. President Trump has declared war, and OUAB is hosting basic training for all you… Keep Reading

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