Kitchen Strike Leaves College Students Cooking for Kennedy

by

COLUMBUS – During the largest riot in Ohio State history, the chiefs at Kennedy Commons refused to prepare their signature dishes. The head cook leading the riot was quoted as saying, “We’re sick of the repetitive recipes and bland, spiceless entrees. We’re artists, not teenagers.” She then stormed off, followed by every Kennedy Commons employee making more than minimum wage. The Sundial caught up with Connor, a student dishwasher turned head chief. “We don’t really know what we’re doing,” admitted Connor. When asked how the change in staff would affect the hours and menu option for students looking to eat at the classic South campus traditions location, Connor was at a loss. “We’re looking at a few different options. Tostino’s Party Pizzas are high on the list as are ham and cheese Hot Pockets.” The new menu will also include poorly microwaved Ramen Noodle blocks, Kraft Easy Mac macaroni and cheese, and a station dedicated to buttered pasta. At the time of the protest, a passing student commented, “I don’t really care what they make. It’s not like the food was great anyway.”

– Hannah Wagner, Senior Staff Member