For Elijah Saiger
Little is known about our fearless leader here at The Sundial. Since both the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal ignored my request for a personal profile on our dear Editor in Chief, I took it upon myself to unravel the enigma.
Name: Elijah Saiger
Height: 5’6’ or maybe 5’7”. He tends to slouch.
Hobbies: Comedy and Comedy writing. Reading books that are older than the United States of America. Watching the types of TV shows that sharply dressed and well-informed people watch. I don’t know what those shows are, but I’m sure they’re out there. Kitting, probably.
Likes: Elijah has a wide array of passions. Unfortunately, I only have access to his public Facebook likes, so we’re just going to be looking at those. He starts off strong with his support of the classic Halloween/Christmas movie The Nightmare Before Christmas. Much like Elijah’s witty personality, this movie inspires much confusion. Is it a Christmas Movie, or did the directors intend for it to be a Halloween thriller? Does authorial intent in a work matter as much as viewer interpretation? Does it matter at all? Does anything really matter at all? Additionally, Elijah has read both Cather in the Rye and The Bell Jar which makes him better than you in the worst possible way. And also probably depressed.
Dislikes: You. Or at least that’s what you think. I mean, who knows? I didn’t actually ask Elijah for his input on any of these facts. Also probably horses. There’s something about that face that makes me think he never had a horse phase. It’s not that he thinks horses are inherently evil. In fact, he quite likes the idea of a horse and the freedom one would allow you in a small farm community. They’re just a lot of upkeep, and Elijah’s a sensible guy.
Personal Philosophy: “Memento mori” An excellent reminder of the fragility of man. Elijah chooses to spend his days acutely aware that the sweet embrace of death waits to claim us all.
Life Goals: Come to think of it, I don’t really know. Probably something political, or maybe law school. A lot of Political Science students end up at law schools, right? Or maybe his degree is more about learning how to think. Maybe he wants to be part of a great Washington think tank. Maybe he just wants to work at a library. I could see Elijah happily working at a library. All the books have a place and all of the customers are nice. They enjoy listening to Elijah’s stories and soon come to admire the cool librarian’s life and legacy. Or not. I really should have asked Elijah a few questions before this write-up. Oh well.
–Hannah Wagner, Senior Staff Member