9 Shitty Dudes in Costumes You Will Meet This Halloween


1. Girl
He went all out. He’s wearing a skirt and a tube top he borrowed from his sister’s closet. He’s even wearing high heels and eyeliner. He was wearing a wig for the first half of the night but insisted it made him look “too pretty” and he left it at his pregame (which is just what he calls him having a beer waiting for his friend Paul to pick him up). He will not forgo the heels at any point because he wants to prove that they “don’t hurt that bad.” His name is Chad and he will definitely make an “I’m not a lesbian” joke while trying to hit on girls and then laugh for a couple minutes. Eventually, he will make so many problematic jokes that he will give himself a cramp from laughing and excuse himself to the bathroom.

2. Twister
In one of the laziest yet still somewhat creative costumes he could do, all he did was wear white and tape colored dots to him. He also carries around the spinner from his roommate’s Twister box. His name is Justin and he will try and force you into spinning the wheel to “see where it lands” but just watch out because there is definitely a spot on his crotch. But don’t worry, there’s still a chance you can land on “right foot red” and he’ll leave you alone after that.

3. Superman
Every year there is always one guy that takes this unique opportunity to wear his underwear outside his clothes. His name is Brian and he completes the look by acting like the superhero himself, meaning he will walk around with his hands on his hips and try to “save” you from not having a drink in your hand. He will also spend the whole night staying away from Kryptonite, which he will explain is just tequila.

4. Pennywise
He spent a lot of money on his costume this year because he both wanted to be super relevant and upstage every other person at the party. His name is Henry and it took him 4 hours to get ready, which he will expect some type of “reward” for. However, he will have horrifically misguided the fact that no one wants to fuck a deranged clown. Except maybe The Babadook but the ‘Dook can do better TBH.

5. Leaf Blower
His name is Allan and he thinks puns are the shit. He went all out on this, meaning he just taped a leaf to the front of his baseball hat. He worked really hard to look like he didn’t work very hard but really he spent hours looking online for the best bad pun costume.

6. Sebastian from La La Land
His name is Zander and he just wants everyone to tell him he looks just like Ryan Gosling all night. Whether he’s at a party or a bar he will constantly request jazz songs that he had to Google. All he did was put on his work clothes from his old job as a waiter at that Italian restaurant that doesn’t give you bread before your meal like it’s the fucking middle ages. His pretentiousness is his biggest threat.

7. Hugh Hefner
His name is Mason and he is really taken the loss of America’s creepy uncle really bad. He’s just gonna wear an old red robe and ask every girl he sees if they like bunnies. He’ll eventually just start crying in the corner and politely be asked to leave.

8. Jared Leto’s Joker
Keith is pretty behind on pop culture trends. Honestly, it’s just kinda cute that he’s still trying.

9. Trump
Fuck you, Hunter.

-Lauren Moliterno, Sundial Alumna