Upstanding Christian Woman Drops F Bomb After Having The Living Bejeezus Scared Out of Her

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BIRMINGHAM– On Halloween night, the three Howard triplets dressed up as Pennywise, Slenderman, and Freddy Kreuger, then positioned themselves behind Mrs. Carol Windham’s hedges. Carol, a moral absolutist and leader in a Southern Baptist church who describes Halloween as “a holiday celebrating the anti-Christ that only hell-bound satanists enjoy”, was walking up her driveway with grocery bags in arms when the three boys jumped out from behind the hedge, scaring Carol shitless turdless.

According to another teen nearby with a video camera, Carol dropped her groceries, jumped three feet backwards, and let out a scream not unlike the cry of a doomsday cult. Much of the delight of the triplets, Carol chased after them yelling, “GOD F– — -G DAMMIT HOWARD TRIPLETS. WAIT UNTIL I CATCH YOU, YOU MOTHERF– — -G SONS OF B-TCHES. I WILL WRING YOUR NECKS AND BRING YOUR BODIES TO YOUR WH-RE MOTHER.”

Upon discovering that she was being recorded, Carol then turned to the teen with the camera and said menacingly, “If I discover this video on the Interwebs, I will not only make you wish you were dead, but I will make sure that our Heavenly Father will NOT welcome you with open arms.” The entire exchange can be found on the Interwebs.

-Alicia Bao, Contributor