HGTV’s House Haunters


With their historic house being torn down, Bert and Maude Cabbott are an unrested couple looking for an old-character home with a promising family to torment. Bert is dying for an unfinished basement to move around old furniture and make the residing family’s hair rise as they ask each other, “What was that!?”  Maude, on the other hand, is looking for a big master bathroom that offers her double-sinks to sporadically turn on in the middle of the night and a vanity mirror to mysteriously appear in. Follow along as this couple finds another forever-home on HGTV’s House Haunters.

House #1: Fixer-Upper Ranch

This ranch-style home offers 3 bedrooms and 2 bath. Residing there currently is Tim and Ellen Hyland who have a 14-year old edgy daughter, Clare and a 9-year old son, Jake, who’s afraid of monsters. Tim is currently in the middle of finishing the basement after replacing all the carpets with hardwood.

Maude’s Comments: I’m definitely worried by all the work being put into the house. I don’t want to end up haunting a house if it ends up getting too updated down the road. However, the family definitely has potential to haunt. I know Jake’s afraid of monsters, but Bert and I can easily work with that. I even heard that Ellen was too scared to make it through Season 1 of Stranger Things which is very promising.

Bert’s Comments: I’m not a big fan of Tim remodeling the basement. That’s usually where I do most my haunting and I’m not sure how focused Tim will be on anything else when he installs that new 60 inch Smart TV. But, the ranch-style home does offer creepily long hallways and with most the rooms being on one-floor, it’s much easier to pass through walls for any unexpected scare opportunities.

House #2: Victorian Home

This creaky-floored Victorian is home to a retired 70-year old couple, Eugene and Gladys Hartwell, who spend most their days doing crossword puzzles and eating soup. The house is full of loose, easy-to-jangle doorknobs and a spare bedroom full of glass dolls that Gladys used to collect as a little girl.

Maude’s Comments: This house is perfect! I walk in and I am immediately taken back to October 1874 on the fateful night my husband and I were brutally stabbed by our axe-wielding neighbor. It’s just concerning that the couple is so elderly that they may not be all-there to truly scare. Eugene even has a faulty hearing aid so he probably would never hear any of the noises we make. They’re also forgetful, so if I turned the faucets on for fun they’d probably just think they didn’t remember to turn them off. There’s a big tradeoff for this home.

Bert’s Comments: Wow, just wow. The home is everything we were looking for. I mean, the room full of dolls? That’s a nice touch. What a shame that it has to occupied by such a boring, old couple. It’d be really nice if they were to just die, but they seem rather healthy. I’m pretty sure Gladys goes to water aerobics at the Y every Tuesday. But, I guess we can’t have it all. Even in the afterlife.

House #3: Updated Colonial

This updated colonial offers beautiful curb appeal and is shrouded by big oak trees sure to cause spooks during a frightful storm. Home to Ted and Nancy Philips, this 4-bedroomer also houses high school junior, Rebecca, and 2 college-aged kids, Justin and Kelly, who visit during the holidays. Standing at two-stories and featuring a variety of closets, this house offers plenty of space for things to go bump in the night.

Maude’s Comments: This house is pretty nice. It’s updated, but not so much that it loses character. It also has a great staircase to follow people so they do that sort of half-jog up the steps ‘cause they feel like someone is behind them. I just wish the kids could be in the house all the time since there would be a better amount to scare. If only Justin and Kelly visited home more often. I’m sure Nancy would agree.

Bert’s Comments: Family-size is a good plus. Rebecca’s old enough to not actually believe in ghosts, but young enough to still get startled with relative ease. In terms of the house, it has some things going for it. The basement is mostly finished, but there is a creepy part that is unfinished back where Nancy does laundry. Also, Maude and I love a good closet and this place has a great closet next to the master bedroom. But, I’m not certain if I can see myself here for the next eternity.

Final Decision:

After looking through 3 homes, Maude and Bert have to make their final decision. After much debate, the house Maude and Bert decide to haunt is…..

The Victorian Home!

Final Thoughts: Although it doesn’t have the ideal family, Bert and I just couldn’t pass up this house. It truly reminds us of being violently murdered in our old home and makes us remember why we decided to haunt in the first place. And of course, we have all of eternity to live here. What’s waiting 5 to 10 more years for Gladys and Eugene to die compared to the 143 years we’ve been haunting for? Of course, we’ll make the most of them while we can especially with the doll room when the grandkids come to visit! But until then, Bert and I are very optimistic about our eternity here and we’re hopeful a well-off millennial couple takes over the house once Gladys and Eugene pass.

-Mary Lavelle, Staff Member