My Dreams Are Back


October 18th

Dear Diary,

It happened again. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. I’m once again haunted by my own thoughts. My dreams loom over me much like the fog in those weird ass Riverdale promos where they were standing in the water. Like seriously, they were just standing there looking spooky and there’s that one where Cheryl is laying on her side?

Anyways, back to my skeletons. My dream begins with me as a sexy secretary walking into my boss’s office. My boss sits at his desk looking through his papers. Dermot Mulroney is playing the part of “my boss.” I am immediately turned on. I walk over to his desk and set down a file. He grabs my hand, startling me, but in like, a sexy way. He tells me to “stay for a moment.” I obey.

Next is the part that haunts me. He spins his massive leather chair around. I lose sight of him temporarily. He stands and turns around revealing that he is now DYLAN MCDERMOTT. That’s right. Those two thought they could pull one over on me, but alas I am too smart, and still very turned on. I yell for help because I cannot trust this bastard. We all saw season 2 of AHS. I know what he’s into. I turn to run and guess who’s behind me. Dermot. Mulroney. His aged brown eyes stare into my soul. Dylan McDermott puts his hands on my shoulders. I melt immediately into his arms. I can’t help it. I mean I know I just said he creeped me out but Dermot Mulroney is standing right there. My emotions are all over the place, and my nipples are very hard. 

Things start to get steamy. We work our way to the graphic stuff. You know what I’m talking about… sex. My Dylan McDermott Mulroney fantasy has finally come true when all of a sudden Clive Owen walks in. He asks if he can join. This is the exact moment I wake up. Two I can handle, but three middle-aged white male celebrities who can practically be triplets is just too much. 

I can’t seem to avoid this situation. These men want me. Bad. And I really only want one of them, but I’d gladly take two. I need a plan to turn my thoughts another way. This world is consuming me. Season 2 of Riverdale just began, I guess I’ll just watch that and get off to that cast instead. Maybe I can get Jughead to take that stupid hat off.

-Samantha Blevins, Staff Member