TOP 5 SPICIEST COLLEGE TEXTBOOKS

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Oh ya, I know what you want this year, a spicy, titillating 350 page brick of knowledge or thicc thesaurus dropped into your mailbox by your preferred deliverer of smut. We here at The Sundial know your deepest desires to stay up late at night when your roommate is out with your nose just BURIED in some professor’s tenure trap. So here we go, the most saucy, confoundingly brilliant, “a little droll,” nerd nuggets out there.

1. Budget Theory in the Public Sector by Khan and Hildreth.

Think about how hot you’re gonna get when this textbook temptress rolls up on that syllabus. You know you’re gonna ravage sixty+ pages devoted to the political-managerial dichotomy. But what makes this one the best is that budget actually has a sultry friend named the Comprehensive Annual Financial Report. She’s a little more experienced, been around the block for some time longer than the budget. But with this book, you get both.

2. Games, Strategies, and Decision Making by Harrington

This one is like a long-form game: it’s a lot of work to get anything out of it, but if you put the work in, you’ll always walk away satisfied. This paper princess will teach you to sit in your chair late at night with bags under your eyes as you vigorously study its tits (tit-for-tat, that is). You won’t need to go to a frat or sorority to get your hands on a Delta as you work through infinitely-repeated games. This is sure to make you a NASH-ional envy.

3. Contemporary Urban Planning (11th edition) by Levy

You want your textbook to have that experimental nature that country folks just don’t have. You want a good, liberal, up-for-anything type of book. Her binding is a little worn from all the people who have gone through it before you, but you don’t care, you actually prefer your book to know what it’s doing in bed at night while you cram for a test.

4. Molecular Biology of the Cell by Alberts et al.

Look, you want to get intimate with your book. And how more intimate can you get than a thorough analysis of the smallest unit of life that something has. But beware, because this slamtastic binding babe is just like the mitochondria: it’s a powerhouse. You might get a little exhausted during your late night cram sessions. But it’ll all be worth it. Like the vacuole, you’re gonna get a lot out of this cell.

5. Good Corporation, Bad Corporation: Corporate Social Responsibility in the Global Economy by Jimenez and Pulos

This is a flashy paragraph pal for those people who aren’t that used to books as crazy as this. It lures you in and disarms you with the silly, overly wordy name. Then when you least expect it, it goes crazy and destroys you with how difficult and high maintenance it can be. We warn you that this companion is not for the faint of heart. You have to work on your stamina before going for a ride with this lovely voluptuous volume.

We know you’re tired of the boring and passe touch of a woman. Take a break from girls and make sure you bring Band-Aids… You might get a paper cut.

– Connor Rigney, Staff Member