Jen from Marketing Explains Labor Day

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Dear Allan,

Hi, it’s Jen. You know, from the marketing department. It has come to my attention over the past week that you are woefully uninformed as to the true meaning of Labor Day. As a person with common sense, I thought I would offer you some food for thought. Please prepare yourself for the only real education that will ever matter.

First thing’s first, Labor Day is not a military holiday. I know that you and Ted absolutely insist it is so, but it makes sense that you would fall into such a trap. Let’s take a look at the obvious. The name is LABOR day. I trust that your fancy Harvard degree means that you can infer meaning from simple written text, but just in case you can’t, let’s look at a few examples. Memorial Day pays tribute to fallen soldiers. You could say it memorializes them. Huh, look at that. The meaning of the holiday is in the title. What about a military holiday that celebrates veterans? Oh, I know: Veteran’s Day.  Surprise! English words have actual meanings 🙂. So what is Labor Day about? It’s not a day for new mothers or the midwives of the world. This might come as a surprise, but it’s called labor day because it celebrates workers in the US. It’s really not a difficult concept.

I know I promised cold hard facts on this newly reclaimed holiday, but I have something even more interesting: controversy. And no, this has nothing to do with why Donna has to come into work late on Mondays. Stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.

Finding the founder of Labor Day is like the latest episode of the hit game show Family Feud, if the feud was between families with similar last names and the prize was the right to a holiday that no one cares about enough to properly read the title. According to a United States Department of Labor poll, 52.62% of people believe the originator was the machinist Matthew Maguire. However, a strong 47.38% of people believe carpenter Peter McGuire was the true founder. This does not account for the 79% of lazy people like you who clicked away after realizing that this wasn’t a fan page for the 2001 Disney show Lizzie McGuire. Regardless, the holiday was established in 1894 by a man who had run out of vacation days and excuses. Are you sure he’s not an ancestor of yours 🙂

Now go and impress all of your incredibly numerous friends with your new knowledge of this self-explanatory holiday. Granted, you could have just looked this up on Wikipedia.

With regards,

Jen, you know, from Marketing

-Hannah Wagner, Senior Staff Member