After finishing his 72nd hot dog in 10 minutes, Joey “Jaws” Chestnut has been named the Champion of the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Daniel Cadence, a witness to the spectacle said he was, “confused and slightly offended.” He remarked that Chestnut’s ability was “disturbing. Oh God, someone please just make it stop. No man should be forced to witness the carnage and insanity that ensued. I thought this was supposed to be family friendly.” Cadence then grabbed two small children and fled from the scene.
Though Coney Island’s challenge is a high point in Chestnut’s competitive eating season, one win does not a champion make. In fact, Chestnut is entered in a competitive corndog eating contest later this week. When asked for comment about how he plans to prepare for an event so quickly he responded, “I’ll do what any truly dedicated person is capable of. I’ll puke and rally.” With that, the great Joey “Jaws” Chestnut curled over and hurled up 72 hot dogs, bun included.