“Rap”sody on a Summer Job

by

Pt 1: The Note
In case you find this terrible note
Know that I was the one who scribbled and wrote
This poem about the hellish endeavor
That bones did break and my brain, absent from clever

At United Dairy Farmers off of 275
Is where I did anything but thrive.
Scooping ice cream for the cigarette-stained obese
Pooping for a half hour, day dreaming for rain to clean this place,

Of the rude, arrogant, mistakes of creation
Who come into the store for some Cake Shakes and
To yell at the employees who can’t make anything bigger than a 32 ounce
As hell begins to come up from your chest and you figure you could pounce

On this guy who probably has a rap sheet or a warrant
For his arrest. But you don’t snap, you can’t.
You can only think “This is a job, not a career.” (This is a job, not a career)
So you don’t make the link between your mind and the sneers.

You just keep the smile, the shallow grin
As one minute before close, someone comes in
And orders a shake, to your chagrin.
The forever it takes to pay pushes back and back when you can finally hit “Shift: End”

In case you find this terrible note
Know that I was the one who scribbled and wrote
This poem about the hellish endeavor
That bones did ache and my brain, divorced from clever.

Pt 2: Flatbed (Shake)
Sit down (Shake)
Stand up (Shake)
Cleaning (Shake)
Dishes (Shake)
Smoking (Shake)
Stocking (Shake)
Mopping (Shake)
Mopping (Shake)

Now I worked around some people living their lives in hospice
Grandaddy wants his last meal bein’ a scoop of ice cream bout as big as both his fists

Some people wanna celebrate
Some people wanna die tomorrow
Some people gotta eat 3000 calories a day or else their lil hearts turn fallow

That was the problem of lil Don, the deacon who came in every Sunday after mass
But what he didn’t know bout was the heart attack and the stroke that was to come to pass
He just wanted make his grandkids happy for a minute.
But that minute feeling happy was gonna become hours of not feelin it.

Why even bother with a single, make it a double or triple bypass
I’mma warn you right now not to drink it too fast.
Why don’t I just fill your flatbed up with ice cream and you can dive in it.
Fill your flatbed up with ice cream and you can dive in it.
Some girls wanna satisfy their sweets tooths on dates
And their boyfriends wanna get a top off on that date
So I fill their flatbed up with ice cream and they dive in it
Fill their flatbed up with ice cream and they dive in it.

Sit down (Shake)
Stand up (Shake)
Cleaning (Shake)
Dishes (Shake)
Smoking (Shake)
Stocking (Shake)
Mopping (Shake)
Mopping (Shake)

Okay. So open your hand up and blend for me, Connor.
I am your boss and if you don’t listen to me your job will be history, Connor.
I escaped Eastern Europe and I’m not afraid to beat you and wallop you, Connor.

But I think if I make another chocolate I’ll be abusing my mind instead of working with it.
I don’t want this to be it and when this is all finished and I make my last dip I hope that you aren’t pissed.
I can do a vanilla and a fudge chocolate twist.
Some “Fuck my heart” shit.
I know that you know how terrible this is.
I have something important to say and when it finally get out you’ll hear that it is:

Why even bother with a single, make it a double or triple bypass
I’mma warn you right now not to drink it too fast
Why don’t I just fill your flatbed up with ice cream and you can dive in it.
Fill your flatbed up with ice cream and you can dive in it.
Some girls wanna satisfy their sweets tooths on dates
And their boyfriends wanna get a top off on that date
So I fill their flatbed up with ice cream and they dive in it
Fill their flatbed up with ice cream and they dive in it.

Pt 3: Finale (BEEP)
I remember my first fight with a customer…
She had a shaved head and a neck tattoo…
She wanted her receipt for her pump…
My register had broken down…
But she didn’t believe me…
So I rebooted it. The beep as it started up was piercing…

BEEP
So you come in here asking for shit but have you thought for a bit
That you could get back into your whip and get out of my biz

BEEP
Maybe get that tat removed and grow out your hair
So you don’t look so much like an androgynous pear

BEEP
“I don’t like to be talked to that way”
BEEP
“I don’t think I’m being cocky today.”
BEEP
“I see that you’re raising your fist and I know that you wish you could sock me in face but you and I know that the power behind the swing wouldn’t hurt me at all and would just be inane.
BEEP
“I know that I’m rude.
But I’m smarter than you.
And I’ll threaten to call the police and you’ll probably alter your tune.”
BEEP
“No, you won’t get me canned.”
BEEP
“You’re just someone without any fans”
BEEP
“If you’d pay attention to me.”
BEEP
“You’ll start to see that eventually I’ll have other things to be
And things to do and a store to rule
And a mind to defend.
So please excuse me while I hit ‘Shift:End’”

-Connor Rigney, Staff Member